Obsessions

I seem to have a lot of them. I never really noticed that I did until recently. They also change from time to time depending on what I need or want in my life right then. My latest obsession is with my fertility. Many people who know me know that I have some fertility issues. I'm sure I talk their ears off and they get tired of hearing about it.

For those who don't know, I have some fertility issues that have plagued me. It's funny when I think back to before I got married and how worried I was about falling pregnant on accident. I would stress and freak. It really all started when I was 19. Up to that point I had very normal cycles. It was almost always 35days. Then it all seemed to change. I would go months without anything and then have some weird spotting that would come and go. After I got married we started trying right away and it took about 10 months. Nothing unusual about that. The pregnancy was fine and I had my son Robert. When he was about 10 months old we decided to have another. Right away I started with my old issues. I called my Dr and we did some charting. I went in about 9 months later and did some tests. I told her I suspected that I had PCOS. This would have been early 2003 so it was relatively new syndrome and not much known about it yet. She did a hormone test and said I was fine. We did a round of clomid and I got pregnant again only to find out at 11 wks that I had lost it. What a month that was. I lost my pregnancy, my grandmother and had my brothers wedding in Nebraska.

Anyways before I drag this out for pages on pages. I fought for 5 years to be diagnosed with PCOS. I had finally gotten diagnosed with insulin resistance in the winter of 2005 after my second miscarriage. Recently we moved and I requested my records. I am going to see a reproductive endocrinologist next Friday. (an apt I'm really looking forward to). I was reading through my records and noticed a diagnosis of PCOS. Now not once did my OB or endo ever mention to me that they had diagnosed me with PCOS. I'm rather annoyed. I'm also annoyed that when I fell pregnant early last year I had called my Endo to see if I should stay on my metformin. They said to stop taking it so I did and it ended in another miscarriage. Only to find out about a study that says taking met during pregnancy will reduce my risk of miscarriage back down to that of a normal person.

So here I am now. Trying to get pregnant again for the 6th time to have my 3rd child. I had some genetic testing and tested for the MTHFR gene mutation. I like to call it the mother F***er mutation. I only have one of the markers but that combined with my PCOS and insulin resistance probably puts my miscarriage risk at over 50%.

So what am I doing now. Well I just rejoined WW online. I have done this 3 times before and each time it worked wonderful for me. This time I'm hoping is the charm to stick with it. I'm hoping to be put on a high dose of metformin. It has shown to help me lose weight and get pregnant so I'm thinking that will be my solution when I talk to the dr. I also plan on doing an exercise plan. I'm always sooo tired and I hate that. I can't even stay up to spend time with Patrick at night after the kids go to bed.

So we'll see where this road leads. I hope I have the motivation and strength to keep it going. I'm confident now but I know how I usually am. I'm worried that I'll just find some excuse like I always have before. This time though I've paid for my WW up front for 3 months. I hate wasting money esp since we have none so that should be motivation enough for now.

My starting weight 156.4 I will make sure to be accountable here and to who ever reads this. feel free to harass me if I need it. :)