well, that's what I saw this morning when I went to the bathroom. NOT a very good sign for someone who is pregnant and has a history of recurrent miscarriages. I know I shouldn't think the worst. I had this with Rhayan's pregnancy and she is here so all could be fine. Yet my sensible self is telling me that something is wrong. Who knows. I suppose I'll find out on Thursday when I go in for my ultrasound. Right now it's pretty much gone and I haven't seen any since this morning.
I tell ya, life sucks sometimes....
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
The cat is out of the bag..
well to some people anyways.
On saturday I surprisingly found out that I'm pregnant again. This was met with very mixed emotions. We are very happy and excited. Right now we figure the due date to be probably December. I've always wanted a December baby. We are however very anxious and nervous. As many of you know already Patrick and I have had 3 losses over the past 5 years. It's been a rough road and definately has taken away some of the excitement away from this process.
When I think back on all of it, obviously I would change the outcomes of most of it. We of course were too excited to not tell anyone but at the same time haven't really talked about it to each other much. I think at this point we don't want to get ahead of ourselves in case it happens again. It's kind of sad that it's that way. I don't with this sort of thing on anyone. I don't think I'll stop worrying for quite a while. But while the lossed sucked, i think that this one making it will make it that much sweeter. I don't expect a lot of people (family and friends) to really understand what I've gone through. But that's ok. They have all been wonderful throughout the whole ordeal. I've also struck up a casual relationship with my older female cousin Aimee. We never really talked a whole lot but have recently found something in common with each other.
So wish us luck. So far things look good. No bleeding or cramps. I've had some morning sickness and even felt icky enough to leave work early today to come home and take a nap :) I even took a second test just to ease my mind that all was ok. The line was darker this time so that has me feeling a bit better. ;)
On saturday I surprisingly found out that I'm pregnant again. This was met with very mixed emotions. We are very happy and excited. Right now we figure the due date to be probably December. I've always wanted a December baby. We are however very anxious and nervous. As many of you know already Patrick and I have had 3 losses over the past 5 years. It's been a rough road and definately has taken away some of the excitement away from this process.
When I think back on all of it, obviously I would change the outcomes of most of it. We of course were too excited to not tell anyone but at the same time haven't really talked about it to each other much. I think at this point we don't want to get ahead of ourselves in case it happens again. It's kind of sad that it's that way. I don't with this sort of thing on anyone. I don't think I'll stop worrying for quite a while. But while the lossed sucked, i think that this one making it will make it that much sweeter. I don't expect a lot of people (family and friends) to really understand what I've gone through. But that's ok. They have all been wonderful throughout the whole ordeal. I've also struck up a casual relationship with my older female cousin Aimee. We never really talked a whole lot but have recently found something in common with each other.
So wish us luck. So far things look good. No bleeding or cramps. I've had some morning sickness and even felt icky enough to leave work early today to come home and take a nap :) I even took a second test just to ease my mind that all was ok. The line was darker this time so that has me feeling a bit better. ;)
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Boredom
ok so it's a saturday night. Patrick is working all weekend and Robert is grounded. Soooo I'm bored. I decided to do another blog so that hopefully I don't run back to my old habbit of eating when i'm bored. I'm finding this especially difficult at times. I'm doing well so far. The scale says I've lost 4lbs since wednesday. I'm not dillusionl though. I know that the first week you generally lose quite a bit.
So I'm trying to find some creative ways to get through those snacking urges. I've cleaned today. That's not too unusual and it was needed. I also made a really awesome lasagna that came out to 8pts a piece. Pretty decent sized piece too. I used 2lbs of ground chicken, a bad of mozzarella cheese, 2 jars of sauce, whole wheat noodles and some fresh spinach. It was very yummy and I have left overs. I've also been trying to stay away from diet pops. I did break down a little while ago. I grabbed the kids and went to walmart just to get out of the house. I got them some new crayons and I got a diet mt dew.
I spent all day though watching the LOTR series. All 3 of them were on TBS HD and it was fun to watch them again. They looked really cool on HD as well. :) I really need to get some laundry done.
LOL I just realized that I also tend to ramble about nothing when i'm bored. HA. So I'm sure this is turning out to be a really boring blog thus adding to your boredom. The circle is complete :)
So I'm trying to find some creative ways to get through those snacking urges. I've cleaned today. That's not too unusual and it was needed. I also made a really awesome lasagna that came out to 8pts a piece. Pretty decent sized piece too. I used 2lbs of ground chicken, a bad of mozzarella cheese, 2 jars of sauce, whole wheat noodles and some fresh spinach. It was very yummy and I have left overs. I've also been trying to stay away from diet pops. I did break down a little while ago. I grabbed the kids and went to walmart just to get out of the house. I got them some new crayons and I got a diet mt dew.
I spent all day though watching the LOTR series. All 3 of them were on TBS HD and it was fun to watch them again. They looked really cool on HD as well. :) I really need to get some laundry done.
LOL I just realized that I also tend to ramble about nothing when i'm bored. HA. So I'm sure this is turning out to be a really boring blog thus adding to your boredom. The circle is complete :)
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Obsessions
I seem to have a lot of them. I never really noticed that I did until recently. They also change from time to time depending on what I need or want in my life right then. My latest obsession is with my fertility. Many people who know me know that I have some fertility issues. I'm sure I talk their ears off and they get tired of hearing about it.
For those who don't know, I have some fertility issues that have plagued me. It's funny when I think back to before I got married and how worried I was about falling pregnant on accident. I would stress and freak. It really all started when I was 19. Up to that point I had very normal cycles. It was almost always 35days. Then it all seemed to change. I would go months without anything and then have some weird spotting that would come and go. After I got married we started trying right away and it took about 10 months. Nothing unusual about that. The pregnancy was fine and I had my son Robert. When he was about 10 months old we decided to have another. Right away I started with my old issues. I called my Dr and we did some charting. I went in about 9 months later and did some tests. I told her I suspected that I had PCOS. This would have been early 2003 so it was relatively new syndrome and not much known about it yet. She did a hormone test and said I was fine. We did a round of clomid and I got pregnant again only to find out at 11 wks that I had lost it. What a month that was. I lost my pregnancy, my grandmother and had my brothers wedding in Nebraska.
Anyways before I drag this out for pages on pages. I fought for 5 years to be diagnosed with PCOS. I had finally gotten diagnosed with insulin resistance in the winter of 2005 after my second miscarriage. Recently we moved and I requested my records. I am going to see a reproductive endocrinologist next Friday. (an apt I'm really looking forward to). I was reading through my records and noticed a diagnosis of PCOS. Now not once did my OB or endo ever mention to me that they had diagnosed me with PCOS. I'm rather annoyed. I'm also annoyed that when I fell pregnant early last year I had called my Endo to see if I should stay on my metformin. They said to stop taking it so I did and it ended in another miscarriage. Only to find out about a study that says taking met during pregnancy will reduce my risk of miscarriage back down to that of a normal person.
So here I am now. Trying to get pregnant again for the 6th time to have my 3rd child. I had some genetic testing and tested for the MTHFR gene mutation. I like to call it the mother F***er mutation. I only have one of the markers but that combined with my PCOS and insulin resistance probably puts my miscarriage risk at over 50%.
So what am I doing now. Well I just rejoined WW online. I have done this 3 times before and each time it worked wonderful for me. This time I'm hoping is the charm to stick with it. I'm hoping to be put on a high dose of metformin. It has shown to help me lose weight and get pregnant so I'm thinking that will be my solution when I talk to the dr. I also plan on doing an exercise plan. I'm always sooo tired and I hate that. I can't even stay up to spend time with Patrick at night after the kids go to bed.
So we'll see where this road leads. I hope I have the motivation and strength to keep it going. I'm confident now but I know how I usually am. I'm worried that I'll just find some excuse like I always have before. This time though I've paid for my WW up front for 3 months. I hate wasting money esp since we have none so that should be motivation enough for now.
My starting weight 156.4 I will make sure to be accountable here and to who ever reads this. feel free to harass me if I need it. :)
For those who don't know, I have some fertility issues that have plagued me. It's funny when I think back to before I got married and how worried I was about falling pregnant on accident. I would stress and freak. It really all started when I was 19. Up to that point I had very normal cycles. It was almost always 35days. Then it all seemed to change. I would go months without anything and then have some weird spotting that would come and go. After I got married we started trying right away and it took about 10 months. Nothing unusual about that. The pregnancy was fine and I had my son Robert. When he was about 10 months old we decided to have another. Right away I started with my old issues. I called my Dr and we did some charting. I went in about 9 months later and did some tests. I told her I suspected that I had PCOS. This would have been early 2003 so it was relatively new syndrome and not much known about it yet. She did a hormone test and said I was fine. We did a round of clomid and I got pregnant again only to find out at 11 wks that I had lost it. What a month that was. I lost my pregnancy, my grandmother and had my brothers wedding in Nebraska.
Anyways before I drag this out for pages on pages. I fought for 5 years to be diagnosed with PCOS. I had finally gotten diagnosed with insulin resistance in the winter of 2005 after my second miscarriage. Recently we moved and I requested my records. I am going to see a reproductive endocrinologist next Friday. (an apt I'm really looking forward to). I was reading through my records and noticed a diagnosis of PCOS. Now not once did my OB or endo ever mention to me that they had diagnosed me with PCOS. I'm rather annoyed. I'm also annoyed that when I fell pregnant early last year I had called my Endo to see if I should stay on my metformin. They said to stop taking it so I did and it ended in another miscarriage. Only to find out about a study that says taking met during pregnancy will reduce my risk of miscarriage back down to that of a normal person.
So here I am now. Trying to get pregnant again for the 6th time to have my 3rd child. I had some genetic testing and tested for the MTHFR gene mutation. I like to call it the mother F***er mutation. I only have one of the markers but that combined with my PCOS and insulin resistance probably puts my miscarriage risk at over 50%.
So what am I doing now. Well I just rejoined WW online. I have done this 3 times before and each time it worked wonderful for me. This time I'm hoping is the charm to stick with it. I'm hoping to be put on a high dose of metformin. It has shown to help me lose weight and get pregnant so I'm thinking that will be my solution when I talk to the dr. I also plan on doing an exercise plan. I'm always sooo tired and I hate that. I can't even stay up to spend time with Patrick at night after the kids go to bed.
So we'll see where this road leads. I hope I have the motivation and strength to keep it going. I'm confident now but I know how I usually am. I'm worried that I'll just find some excuse like I always have before. This time though I've paid for my WW up front for 3 months. I hate wasting money esp since we have none so that should be motivation enough for now.
My starting weight 156.4 I will make sure to be accountable here and to who ever reads this. feel free to harass me if I need it. :)
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Popping my blogging cherry :)
OK that was a bit crude wasn't it. After being inspired by my older sister and an online friend of mine I decided I'd give this blogging thing a try. I'm not really sure what this whole thing will be about if anything. I'm not even very confident that I'll have anything important to say or if people will really be interested in what goes on in my strange mind.
I'll give you a mental picture of me and my life right now. My name is Lisa. I'm 29 although I'll 30 this coming June. I'm short, only 5 feet tall. I have long hair for the first time and it's very straight. It's black on the bottom and redish on the top. Remnants of my last dye job. I'm the 6th child out of 7. I have 2 brothers and 4 sisters. All of which I generally get along with rather well. I do find that amazing at times. I feel certain it has to do with us being kind of spread out and seeing each other a couple times a year. I am also married. My husband's name is Patrick and he is a keeper (most of the time ). We met in HS (although attended different ones) and have been together for 12 years now and married for 8. Sometimes that amazes me. We have 2 children. Robert is 6 1/2 right now and in kindergarten. He is amazingly smart and very active. He is my social butterfly and loves to meet and talk to new people. He is sensitive and kind and weird. My daughter is Rhayan. She is 4 now and quite the little miss. She is my attitude. She's bossy but adorably cute as well. I have a sneaking suspicion she knows this. She is also very affectionate.
My life growing up was pretty typical and good. My parents were/are wonderful and we didn't really go without although it was tight at times. I never knew when I was little but with some maturity and experience now can pick out times when I know my parents struggled a bit financially. It's not easy with 7 kids and both parents working in education.
I got married rather young but it hasn't been a bad thing. As corny as it sounds Patrick and I were meant for each other. Our marriage has never been hard for us and feels completely natural. That's not to say that we haven't had our problems but they were never very big. I do enjoy being a mom although I find I take after my own mother. I am not a stay at home type person. I applaud any woman or man who can stay at home with the kids all day. I would go insane. I get testy just being home by myself with them on weekends. I love them dearly but also love my alone time.
My family and I recently moved from Findlay Ohio to London Ohio. We are finding it to not be what we were expecting/hoping it would be. Both of us have good jobs. He is working as an RN in an emergency room. After working for years as a paramedic this is a good fit for him now. I do see him getting bored quickly though. I have a job at Columbus State CC which I like. I'm still new as I've only been there for a month so far. I find it different and interesting and I like it. I worked for years at Owens CC and the change was nice.
One thing that my husband and I have been talking about is actually moving back home. Home is up north. I think we expected something wonderful and haven't found it. Over the past few years as we lived and worked in Findlay we had established a good network of friends. I think my husband is a little more homesick than he thought he would be. Right now the plan is to move back after about a year or so. Most likely when i would be able to find a job as the jobs I like are harder to come by. Plans can change though and we'll take it one day at a time. We do however love living close to Columbus. I find I like the city and what it offers. I work very close to downtown and enjoy seeing the sky scrapers everyday. Coming from a small town it's all rather new and awe inspiring right now.
So now I'm rambled on about absolutely nothing other than myself. I suppose that's what blogging is all about. Putting your thoughts down for others read, snore over or scrutinized. I'm sure I'll come up with more interesting topics as I get used to this. tata for now.
I'll give you a mental picture of me and my life right now. My name is Lisa. I'm 29 although I'll 30 this coming June. I'm short, only 5 feet tall. I have long hair for the first time and it's very straight. It's black on the bottom and redish on the top. Remnants of my last dye job. I'm the 6th child out of 7. I have 2 brothers and 4 sisters. All of which I generally get along with rather well. I do find that amazing at times. I feel certain it has to do with us being kind of spread out and seeing each other a couple times a year. I am also married. My husband's name is Patrick and he is a keeper (most of the time ). We met in HS (although attended different ones) and have been together for 12 years now and married for 8. Sometimes that amazes me. We have 2 children. Robert is 6 1/2 right now and in kindergarten. He is amazingly smart and very active. He is my social butterfly and loves to meet and talk to new people. He is sensitive and kind and weird. My daughter is Rhayan. She is 4 now and quite the little miss. She is my attitude. She's bossy but adorably cute as well. I have a sneaking suspicion she knows this. She is also very affectionate.
My life growing up was pretty typical and good. My parents were/are wonderful and we didn't really go without although it was tight at times. I never knew when I was little but with some maturity and experience now can pick out times when I know my parents struggled a bit financially. It's not easy with 7 kids and both parents working in education.
I got married rather young but it hasn't been a bad thing. As corny as it sounds Patrick and I were meant for each other. Our marriage has never been hard for us and feels completely natural. That's not to say that we haven't had our problems but they were never very big. I do enjoy being a mom although I find I take after my own mother. I am not a stay at home type person. I applaud any woman or man who can stay at home with the kids all day. I would go insane. I get testy just being home by myself with them on weekends. I love them dearly but also love my alone time.
My family and I recently moved from Findlay Ohio to London Ohio. We are finding it to not be what we were expecting/hoping it would be. Both of us have good jobs. He is working as an RN in an emergency room. After working for years as a paramedic this is a good fit for him now. I do see him getting bored quickly though. I have a job at Columbus State CC which I like. I'm still new as I've only been there for a month so far. I find it different and interesting and I like it. I worked for years at Owens CC and the change was nice.
One thing that my husband and I have been talking about is actually moving back home. Home is up north. I think we expected something wonderful and haven't found it. Over the past few years as we lived and worked in Findlay we had established a good network of friends. I think my husband is a little more homesick than he thought he would be. Right now the plan is to move back after about a year or so. Most likely when i would be able to find a job as the jobs I like are harder to come by. Plans can change though and we'll take it one day at a time. We do however love living close to Columbus. I find I like the city and what it offers. I work very close to downtown and enjoy seeing the sky scrapers everyday. Coming from a small town it's all rather new and awe inspiring right now.
So now I'm rambled on about absolutely nothing other than myself. I suppose that's what blogging is all about. Putting your thoughts down for others read, snore over or scrutinized. I'm sure I'll come up with more interesting topics as I get used to this. tata for now.
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